smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
