last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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