don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
