I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
