Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
