it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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