I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
