a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
