dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
