Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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