Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize