i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
