Just took my morning after pill in the library
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
