Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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