Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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