My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
this will be a night to untag.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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