I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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