Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So much rum. So many feels.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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