Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
