the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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