I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
