My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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