If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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