I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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