The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
