how can u be prego again
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
