i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize