i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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