How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize