are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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