is your mom at the bar?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
