I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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