redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
