That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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