im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We were destined to go to rehab together
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
