Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
