i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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