im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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