Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
