what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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