i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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