i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
