she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
