Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
