How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I want to have your abortion
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
