she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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