you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
