Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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