i love accidental penises.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
