It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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