We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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