I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Where did you get a picture of my penis
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
