He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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