Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
