he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
