Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
