they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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