Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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