I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
