I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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