I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
