I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Watching her eat just hurts me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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