He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
