PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
