She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
